Being Human · Inspirations · Positivity · Possibility

Training Progress Week 19 – #320ChangesDirection

“We don’t need to create more programs – there are good ones out there. But we do need to do two things. We need to streamline access to the help that is available. And we need to change the culture of mental health so that those in need – and their family members – are able to speak openly about their struggles so that they can seek the care they deserve.”
— Talinda Bennington

Bae: I haven’t run in a looongg time.
EM: Ok
B: I put on a bit of weight.
E: So?
B: You’ll beat me. You’ll be running faster than me.
E: No way. You’ve run so many marathons and did IM twice before. You always say something but you’ll be the one running faster than me.
B: No No.
E: Hmm..

Then Bae and I went running. Of course he beat me, running a mile faster than me! 这家伙 what is he thinking?
Cycling and running over the weekend was refreshing – he beat me in both, which he should at this point.

Cycling is so refreshing but makes me feel vulnerable especially when the cars are around. It makes you realize how fast they go and a small but wrong movement can get you injured or worse it can be completely fatal. It makes you realize life is short. Life is too short to do uninteresting activities which your soul feels like dying and they deplete your energy.

Speaking of life, today is March 20. Chester Bennington’s birthday when he could be turning 42 but he took his own life last summer. Previously I talked about Shinee’s JongHyun’s suicide and mentioned so little about CB. I still don’t understand why they’d do it. I still haven’t had a closure on both. I still question why I live, what’s the purpose. Everyday seems so routine-like – pretty much the same damn activities on repeat – wake up, drink water, brush teeth, shower, dress up, put on make up, eat up, go to work, lunch, get off work, dinner, hangout, workout, shower and sleep. I get tired of the cycle. It feels tiring and dead after a while, doesn’t it?

A routine makes what I used to love not lovable and enjoyable anymore. Yikes!

Now, back to the suicides and mental well-being, Talinda B, CB’s widow, is launching the Campaign to Change Direction highlighting the signs of depression and encouraging people to “lend a hand” to those suffering. Although the Campaign focuses on the Americans to pay attention to their emotional well-being and physical well-being, I’m sure it’s opened to any non-American fans. Many people posted their selfie holding up their hand with “I am the change” written on their palm. Well, my way of changing myself so far has been through a triathlon. So Triathlon is the change I’m making in me. So I held up my hand with the medal I recently got.

“Culture change happens faster if leaders and champions step forward to set examples for others to follow.”
Change Direction Campaign

“We are the CHANGE in our mental health culture. Every one of us is changing it by sharing your thoughts, offering support, and by simply being aware that we have our mental health to care for.”
— Talinda Bennington

Speaking of mental well-being, I decided to wear a vest by the #TriAgainProject when I did the last portion of my first triathlon – running! It’s a project about mental health advocacy and about taking care of one’s mental well-being by doing an activity that sets your heart on fire – to try something new or something again. It promotes Triathlon through racing as there is a race team. It seems like a great initiative and I hope that the good intention and support of the group continues.

As much as there’re resources in North America, it just seems like something is missing in the system as I could never get the help I needed. First time counselling session in C****a was a disaster – I’d always remember those judgmental eyes of the “counselor.”  Took me some years to try counselling again. Second counselor couldn’t build a rapport. Third one – thinking of the session just stressed me out. I don’t need any medication. I just need to spend more time with people I love, do more of what makes me smile naturally and be able to talk about my concerns in a safe space. Safe space is all that I need. It’s not easy. But it can be done, can’t it?

I’ll keep on trying. But life is short. What are my priorities? I must be clear, right? Can’t waste my time as well as others’. So I won’t. I need to be true to myself, right?

EM: How’s your day?
Bae: Attended to another suicidal person. Was at the hospital.
E: Is s/he ok now? What happened?
B: [this and that happened…]
E: I hope s/he’ll be ok.

As much as I admire and respect what Bae does for work, I wonder how he does it though. Seeing that much of negativity and suffering in other human beings first hand. Seeing them over the years – similar and different cases. I always ask myself if I can do even half of what he does. And every time I see him, I still see the brightest and kindest smiles on his sweet face. May Bae live a long, happy and healthy life and keep his warm eye-smiles ❤

May seen and unseen beings be happy, healthy and abundant.
May all beings be free from suffering.
May I be free from suffering.



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