As I was thinking of what I would write for my second poem as a part of poetry self-challenge to celebrate April as a National Poetry Month, something unpleasant that profoundly affected me happened. So instead of being in a celebratory mood, I am relieving the pains, sadness and unsettling emotions through poetry writing. And what took place taught me that I could be happy one moment (last weekend) and be really sad the next moment (this weekend). Life teaches me that “nothing really is permanent in this world. ”
But Why Today?
Today is supposed to be a day for me to be happy
But you left today
Left your body
Left the people who care about you
Left the car you used to ride on
Left the building you used to live in
Left the cities where you brought peace and harmony
Everything seems sad and heart-breaking right now
Left your legacy
Showed a great many How to live a life
How to find ourselves when things got crazy
How to remain equanimous through life’s up and down
But still… why today?
Why. Why. Why. And why?
Maybe it’s just a coincidence.
But still… I feel unsettling.
You left today
Gone and can’t be taken back
Like forever gone
Oh dear you, why today of all day?
Why today out of 366 days this year?
Did you want to remind me of
how precious our lives are?
Did you want to point out that
this is how I’ll leave too?
Leave my body
Leave the people I love
Leave the car I’m driving
Leave the place I call home
Leave the little money I’ve got
Leave my favorite books
Leave all yummy foods
Leave those dresses I adore
Leave my shoes, clothes, ear-rings
or any material comforts
Leave all my accomplishments, goals and dreams
Leave this emotion I’m feeling right now
or any emotions
When I leave, what would really be next?
What would I leave behind?
*Hope I don’t leave any useless stuffs behind*
Can you hear me?
I want to tell you a lot of things
Like how I’m starting a new life
A new chapter that I’m excited to experience
Now I won’t be able to tell you in person anymore
But I feel good that I
Made my very best effort to see you
One last time when you came to
this side of the world near me
Heard you planned to visit again soon
But instead you left this world forever
Well, you do not leave this space in my heart though
I’ll keep you there forever
It might be just the memories of you
Or the things you taught me
like how to live a meaningful life
How to find the light through the darkest night
I will live
I will live to honor you
I will live to be a kind person like you
I will live to be a strong person like you
I will live to be a loving person like you
May you rest in eternal peace.
© Eimon Yin, 2016
Since today is the last day of the week and is the day someone special that I respect and treasure passed away, I am letting the sadness flow through me but through which I try to find some positivity. But it’s only today. Tomorrow is a new day and the beginning of a new week – meaning rebirth. But before tomorrow arrives and in this very moment, I choose to listen to LP to sooth my mind for the last time (and the fifth time today?)
And I see two positive moments there
#1 Active choice to calm myself
#2 Gratitude for the existence of great musicians like LP and their beautiful music that connects me to my heart, brain and bones.
May all being be free from suffering.
May all being be able to find the light through the darkness.